Four reasons why I will not be returning to Five Guys + 1 reason why I might!

Normally I am a huge fan of burger restaurants in general, but just not this one. Five Guys is probably not aimed at 30 -something’s like me, but for people half my age instead.  However, here are four reasons why I would not return to Five Guys and one reason that I might just be persuaded to go back.

1. The Experience

........is a bit like a trip to Argos. You order your burger with its fillings on a tacky bit of glossy brochure paper with little clipart pictures of tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, guacamole or whatever. Look, if your burgers are supposed to be so great they should have these in any way! I’m hungry I can’t be bothered deciding what I want in my burger. Please just put everything in and that will more than satisfy me.

Going to 5 Guys is a bit like shopping here:

Ok..if I must.. I’ll have some cheese, a burger (of course) err red peppers or green?, Mayo or Salad cream?, tomatoes or jalapenos?, Think I might skip on the cucumber.. Dill pickle? Onions? Chillies?

ArrgghI don’t know... just put the whole lot in and make it the biggest burger on the planet for all I care. I’m so hungry I could eat a horse! Then, this is where the Argos bit comes in. You place your order with your filling options, plus choice of fries and you get a number. Then you queue and wait until the food is ready and your number is called. There you have it, your food neatly wrapped in a brown paper bag. Now find a table.

       2.  The cost

In plain Yorkshire, a bloody rip off! It’s £14 for a burger, fries and drink.. yes £14. Ok, Five Guys is supposed to be better than McDonalds and well yes you do (thankfully) get a bigger portion than you would at the golden arches. However, at least with McDonalds you know what it is. It’s crap, but cheap and useful in certain situations. For this to be value for money it had better be the best burger and chips I’ve ever tasted to justify that £14 leaving my wallet for you Mr Five Guys.

       3.    The food

5 guys cheeseburger

Now, the burger is actually quite nice, but ...and there is a big but. In my opinion  it is no better than the burgers at my local pub, which cost £4.95 plus a pint!  Nothing wrong with it, but definitely not worth fourteen English pound sterling (and I don’t even get a pint). It is reasonably sized, bigger than other fast food chains, granted but it isn’t so barnstormingly brilliant that it makes me want more or justify its value (£8 for the burger on its own). On my visit I went for the Cajun chips, which in my opinion were too dry and after a few of them, my mouth felt like the Sahara Desert. At least you got a fair portion, but unfortunately like a marathon runner I hit the wall halfway through.

4.   The decor

Red and white with posters on the wall about how flippin’ great their burgers are... and how it’s everybody’s favorite burger place just because The New York Times says so.. plus, how brilliant they are because they use a certain type of oil that other places do not. So what? How about some nice pictures on the wall? I want something, please to ease the pain of the large hole in my wallet that your burger has just created. It’s a bit like when you are in the pub and all they show on their TV screens are adverts about their flippin’ Tuesday night drinks offer, instead of sport or a music video.

                             .....And the reason why I might go back...

                                          

                      The drinks Machine!!!!!!

Image source: drinks.seriouseats.com

The drinks machine is brilliant! It is by far the best reason to go to Five Guys and the only reason I may be persuaded to go back. So, after the Argos bit you get a go on this fantastic invention! On the touch screen are hundreds and I mean hundreds  of different options, made up of common soft drink brands such as Coca Cola, Fanta and Sprite for example, but with the added twist of having many different flavourings to choose from, some of which I never knew existed! Anybody for peach 7up? , vanilla flavoured Powerade perhaps, or Cherry Fanta? Brilliant, I could sit in Five Guys all day (ignoring the decor) and try each one. Well done Five Guys. You have got a brilliant USP here! Throwing my Yorkshire flat cap to one side it could even be worth £14 on its own!