My Olympic Experience

 First of all a big "Welkom" to my new reader from The Netherlands and hope you are enjoying my blog from just across The North Sea.

So I could not let this week pass without reviewing my complete Olympic experience, for better or worse, for richer for poorer and for Gold or wooden spoon as it were.

In July of last year I woke up at 6 in the morning to take part in a virtual Olympic duel of my own - to beat all the other competitors for precious tickets to London 2012. Unlike many of the actual Olympic athletes this is not something that I had particularly trained for and it was pretty much trial and error. Sam and I really would have liked to have gone to the Olympic stadium to watch the athletics, or maybe to the aquatics centre to watch some of the swimming or diving.

After about one hour and a half of trying I was just going for anything I could lay my hands on, synchronised swimming or handball anyone? . After two hours of trying and watching a very oddly shaped symbol spin around my computer screen, like a gymnast on the rings, I was relieved to see a different screen appear, one that actually seemed to be getting me somewhere. In the end it was the sport of boxing at the Excel Arena which Sam and I were fated to see on the afternoon of Sunday 5th August 2012. Not our first choice, second choice or even really our third choice, but after submitting my payment details (good job I had one Visa Card isn't it grrr) I was relieved that Sam and I were going to the Olympics!

So fast forward one year and after watching the torch twice as described here, building up the excitement of the nation, followed by the delivery of our tickets on June 20th and making final arrangements for our accommodation, at Sam's auntie's in North London we were all set to go.



Famous landmark and Olympics

Whenever I go to London I always feel so Northern. Who invented that stupid rule that you have to stand on the right hand side of the escalator in a tube station to let people in hurry through on the left. If I'd tried doing that driving South on the A1 I would probably had an accident or had a fight with an arrogant BMW driver..

But anyways.. Surely (using a bit of Yorkshire common sense here) you should wait on the left of the escalator to let people overtake you on the right..y'know just like on t'roads.

Anyway this blog is about the Olympics, so let's get baack on traack, so as to speak.

On Saturday Sam and I went to Hyde Park to try and see some of the women's triathlon. However by the time we got there the race was over, but we did get to see the buoys on the Serpentine and a goose reclaiming its territory.

We stood outside Buckingham Palace and the gates to Green Park. (Why is it I always forget that the park next to Buck Palace is not actually Hyde Park, but the less memorable Green Park)

We spent the afternoon at BT Live in the more famous Hyde Park where we watched team GB win a gold medal in the team sprint cycling at the velodrome. I also bought the world's most expensive steak baguette (£7) and beer (Heineken £5, John Smiths £4.50) and there were too many people in the way of the screen. I would have seen more sat at home with a can of £1 beer from Aldi.

However, the sun was out and the atmosphere around the park was fantastic. I also got a commemorative London 2012 beer holder, which cost me a quid and I did kinda get a sun tan.

We spent most of golden Saturday evening on the tube trying to get home. We nearly got on the wrong tube to Walthamstow and had to hurry off the tube rather sharpish when we realised it was taking us in completely the wrong direction, much to the amusement of a bunch of locals who raised a chuckle. "Thick nawthern mankeys."

So to Sunday and the day we had been waiting for since I'd procured those boxing tickets more than a year ago.

The tube to the excel arena was far less dramatic because Sam's cousin, Nathan, a Londoner, came with us. Tickets in hand we marched out of the DLR train at the excel and through the security checks. Sam even had to take her earrings off. So here we were......the excel arena 5th August 2012, boxing 1.30-4.30, Block 304, Row 29 seats 20 and 21 here we come!...ahh ? OK row..27...row...28....row 29...seat 20..oh good some aisle seats and i must be next to...oh seat 19 OK across the aisle...seat 27!!! Where the hell is seat 21? My seat did not exist. After all this time I've had the ticket my seat did not even flipping exist!!!



Women's Boxing at the Excel Arena

We asked a steward who directed us to an office where we were issued some different tickets which were a bit better as it turned out. As we left the office relieved and hoping that these seats on Row 25 did actually exist there was a queue forming out of said office. It seemed we were not the only ones...

"Ding ding" the first bout and yes Sam and I were part of history to witness the first ever Women's boxing bout between a girl from the (Not so democratic People's Republic of North Korea) and Russia. The two highlights of this session of boxing was when Great Britain's Natasha Jonas came out to fight an American boxer. The atmosphere was electric and yes we did get to do the famous Team GB chant. She won, cue Union Jack waving and more shouts for the home team. Shame she went out to a Ukrainian woman in the next round... unlike compatriot, Nicola Adams who went on to take gold.


Sam getting into the spirit of things xx

The final bout also provided some entertainment when the mean figure of Nigeria's Edith Ogoke entered the ring. From the first bell she just went for it and threw punches at her Russian opponent left right and centre, prompting the crowd to get right behind her. "Edith Edith Edith" rang around the arena. She won, but again went out in the next round.

Then it was over. We caught a tube up to Stratford to see the Olympic Stadium, but because our event was not on the Olympic Park we could not go any further than a huge shopping mall, which was a shame as I felt that anyone with a ticket for ANY event that day should have been able to go to the Olympic Park, rather than having to have a pre-paid ticket or hold a ticket for any of the events taking place in Stratford. Anyway at least we saw it, in fact the best view we got was from the train window when leaving the site.



The closest we got to the stadium was through a
train window, despite us having tickets to the boxing

The Olympic Games in London was a great experience and in terms of the atmosphere, feel-good factor and hopefully an appetite for sport in which they have created in this country it has been a good thing. I think though the ticketing situation could have been handled a lot better. Those empty seats at venues from sponsors and press who had failed to turn up should have been given free to the people of London, especially young people of which these games aimed to inspire. After all it is Londoners who will be able to benefit from the games the most, providing the facilities created are not devoured by a greedy football club or other commercial enterprises for their own gain rather than for the people.

The Olympic Stadium should not be home to ANY football club, be it Tottenham, West Ham, Leyton Orient or Fisher Atheltic! The Olympic Stadium is an ATHLETICS stadium and should be used to hold major events in THIS sport. It should also be open for the people of London to use and to train young Olympians of the future and leave the lasting legacy, which was one of the main reasons that London got the Games in the first place. It should NOT be used by any football club. The UK already has many fine football stadia, such as Wembley Stadium, Old Trafford and Villa Park it doesn't need another one.Spurs already have White Hart Lane and West Ham, Upton Park, within their own boroughs. They do not need to move to Stratford.  Look at what happened when Manchester City took over the Commonwealth Games Stadium. It is now known as the "Etihad Stadium" because of the club's owners and football has completely taken over  the stadium. Why was this not used for young athletes in Manchester? I really hope this does not happen to the Olympic Stadium in London.

What legacy for the residents of Stratford?

I wait to see what overall legacy the games will have on the country, but from a personal point of view the feelings are very mixed. On the one hand Sam and I were one of the lucky few who managed to get tickets in some shape or form to the event and spent a fantastic weekend in London sharing the experience with millions of others of all nationalities who were there too. However looking back I would have to regret that we could not see the Olympic Park or get closer to the stadium itself than through a train window. I have some great memories though and I am still suffering Olympic withdrawl symptoms three days after the closing ceremony.

My alternative Olympic Opening ceremony

So the Olympics finally get under way officially tomorrow evening with an opening ceremony directed by Danny Boyle and although most of its content has remained top secret we do know there will be an idyllic countryside scene and a raincloud (which may probably be provided naturally anyway) to reflect "Britain of old." . Anyway here's a few of my own suggestions as to what should also be included in a ceremony to give the watching world a true reflection of British life.

1. A group of tracksuit-clad chavs swagger into the arena with the latest smart-phones and music blasting out of them. They all sit on a park bench in the middle of the field. A bottle of White Lightning cider is passed round and one of them rolls a joint. Every so often they spit on the grass and swear at passers by making two fingered gestures to the spectators. Another chav rides in on a scooter, holding a Staffy on lead. The dog is let off its leash and allowed to run wherever it wants in the stadium. The dog urinates on the athletics track before attacking officials and members of the audience. Dwain Chambers runs past and offers the chavs some drugs, which they accept and a quick exchange is carried out.

Chavs should feature in the Olympic Opening Ceremony as a true reflection of
British Life.

A car enters the arena and parks nearby. A smartly dressed couple get out on their way to sample a bit of British culture, perhaps a play at the theatre. They are sworn at by the chavs as they get out of their parked car. The couple hurry on trying to ignore the insults as they go. The chavs eye up the car and they get an idea.

The chavs twok the car and then go off on a joyride doing two laps of the athletics track at 100mph before torching it at the finish line, causing a huge fire. The chavs swagger off holding their White Lightenting and giving two fingered gestures to the crowd as they leave the stadium.


2. The arena is turned into a giant Job Centre. Queues of people line up looking for a job but slowly leave the arena looking disconsolate. A big dole queue forms with over-worked staff trying to organise the melee'. The queue includes lots of young 16-24 year olds who have no hope of getting a job. A group of children proudly run out with a giant white flag emblazoned with the design of a P45 form. The jobseekers stand under the P45 form and are then smothered in the flag before marching out of the stadium.


3. A fleet of lorries enter the stadium and park in the middle of the green. The back doors burst open and a groups of illegal asylum seekers cart-wheel out in all directions. They then run as fast as they can to hide amongst the spectators, never to be seen again.

4. In the corner a giant petrol station is built and as the ceremony goes on around it the display price goes up and up.


5. Now its time for the athlete's parade, and what better way to show our famous British sense of diplomacy  than giving the flag-bearers the flag of their rival nation. So let's start by giving the Iranian Olympic team the flag of Israel, the Indian team can fly the flag of Pakistan, North Korea can carry the flag of South Korea and vice-versa and just so as we are not left out, why not end up with Sir Chris Hoy carrying the flag of Germany for Team GB! As for the Union Jack, let's give it to the Irish Olympic team and help put decades of religious conflict well and truly in the past!

6. Now the grand firework finale and who better to set them off then our chavs from the opening scene. Since twoking the car they have gone and bought some fireworks and are now looking for a letterbox to put one through. They find a house and an angry old man comes out shaking his fist. the chavs beat him to the ground. One them films it on a mobile phone and uploads it onto the giant screens in the stadium. The chavs then set off the fireworks off on him and run off, leaving him for dead.

7. Now then, who could we get to light the Olympic flame? Daley Thompson? Steve Redgrave? David Beckham perhaps? No! Let's celebrate how us British love to promote the underdog and at the same time show our history of slapstick comedy, by getting Eddie the Eagle Edwards to ski-jump his way into the stadium with the torch in hand, but then comically trip over and completely miss the cauldron. One of the chavs triumphantly goes up to the torch and flicks the embers of his joint which makes the Olympic flame burn and the London 2012 Olympics are declared officially open!

My worst number ones

Last weekend provided me with some entertainment by watching "Britain's Favorite Number Ones" on ITV . The mission was to find the UK's favorite number one from sixty nominated by "industry experts" inevitably including Paul Gambacinni. Sounds great, but there was one problem though. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the whole point of a good countdown show is trying to guess which songs will be coming up next and if viewing with others having a debate as to which "item" would eventually be the number one number one?. But host, Fearne Cotton insisted on taking the whole fun out of the programme by telling us what the next five songs were in the form of little "teasers" before the commercial breaks.. grrr! I really don't want to know that Madonna, Blondie, Rihanna, Oasis and David Bowie made up the next five songs in the countdown! Why are you spoiling the fun for me Fearne? However it was not really a shock that Bohemian Rhapsody turned out to be the winning song (I'd actually worked it out about half an hour before because it's the only one they didn't mention in any of the teasers in a weak attempt to disguise it.)

Anyway I thought for your amusement and my own I would compile a list of songs which definitely should NEVER have made it to Number 1 and what I would have said about them if I'd been filmed in front of my mixer on the countdown show. Enjoy.

 Everly Bros - Cathy's Clown 1960

A negative dirge about not loving somebody any more Yuk!


Billy J Kramer & the Dakotas - Little Children 1964

A song that would be considered akin to paedophillia if you listen to the words, but they didn't exist in 1964 did they?????


The Scaffold - Lily The Pink 1968

Annoying song that has plagued kids songbooks and easy guitar cord books


 . Clive Dunn - Grandad 1971

 Amusing, if you are 5 or 85


Benny Hill - Ernie The Fastest Milkman in the West 1971
.
Annoying and just don't get it,


 Chuck Berry - My Ding a Ling 1972

Repetitive, irritating and immature sexual humour that only belonged in the early 70s


Donny Osmond - Puppy Love 1972
.
Awful it's songs like these that made punk fashionable five years later


 Jimmy Osmond - Long Haired LOver from Liverpool 1972
.
Irritating not a patch on a then young Michael Jackson


Dawn - Tie A Yellow Ribbon 1973

The most irritating song ever written and recorded


Mud - Lonely This Christmas

The suicide rate normally increases at Christmas largely due to this song


 The Wurzels - I Got A New Combine Harvester 1976

 Just because I grew up in rural East Yorkshire doesn't mean that I'm anything like these guys


Renee & Renato - Save Our Love 1982

Luckily I was only a baby when this was out
 .

 . The Timelords - Doctorin the Tardis 1988
.
To my ears Doctor Who is just a series of noises and this is no different


Mr Blobby - Mr Blobby 1993

How the hell did this get anywhere near number 1 ...twice..


 Robson & Jerome - Unchained Melody/Up On the Roof 1995

Should have stayed on Soldier Soldier



Hanson - Mmmbop 1997

I really did want to punch each and every one of Hanson


Teletubbies say Eh oh 1997

Don't tell me a load of 3 year olds went to HMV and bought this single..


Aqua - Barbie Girl 1997

Cheesy horrible


Bewitched - Ce'st Le Vie 1998

Hate this song it was crap when it was in the charts and is crap when I hear it out at 90s nostaligia nights


Anything by Billie 1998

Nuff said

 Vengaboys - Were Going to Ibiza 1999

This song irritates me in so many ways:

1. The way she pronounces "Ibiza" so it rhymes with "pizza"
2. It rips off a 70s number on called "Typically Tropical by Barbados
3. The way that "Meditteranean Sea" doesn't quite fit the song

A1 - Take on Me 2000

Just because your band also begins with A and named after the longest road in Britain doesn't mean that you can do a good cover of an 80s classic


Bob The Builder - Can We Fix It 2000

See Teletubbies


Atomic Kitten - Whole Again 2001

This typifies music around this time..rubbish


Gareth Gates - Unchained Melody 2002

Just because you were in a reality show doesn't mean you have the right to trample all over a classic


Eamon F u right back 2004
 Frankee Fu I don't want you back 2004

I grouped these together. Chavvy Jeremy Kyle music


Chico - It's Chico Time 2006

Dreadful


Sean Kingston - Beautiful Girls 2007

I once got requested this song 7 times in a night and have hated it ever since


Any X Factor finalist collaborations 2007-11

Nobody has a divine right to get to number one


Scouting for Girls - This Aint a love song 2010

I just hate Scouting for girls


Joe McElderry - The Climb 2010
Bad song bad winner of X Factor

Why we should all get behind Andy Murray

I am not a tennis fan, particularly, but like many people in this country I take a passing interest in Wimbledon and occasionally the other grand slam events each year. The Davis Cup and the Masters series do not particularly interest me and if there was cricket or football on the other channel I would most certainly be watching these instead. However this year I could not help being captivated by the famous old tournament.  Britain...yes Britain, not Spain or Serbia have a Wimbledon men's singles finalist for the first time in the professional era in the shape of Andy Murray. He did not bottle it in the quaters or the semi's Henman style, but he made it to the final two of the tournament, overcoming difficult opponents from round one. In tennis I have a motto that if I've heard of them then they must be good. I'd heard of all of Murray's opponents from Davydenko in round one, through Karlovic, Baghdatis, Cilic, Ferrer, Tsonga and finally Federer in the final. There were no gimmes in that run.

The tears he shed after his defeat in the final showed how much he wanted to win this tournament and how much he cared. People have often written Murray off as aloof, humourless and boring in interviews. With the voracity of the British press for a headline I do not blame him. He is probably scared of saying something out of place and has been bitten before by the press when they reported his off the cuff comment about "supporting anybody but England" in the 2006 World Cup. I think this so-called aloofness is more a case of self- preservation than how he actually really is. I heard him on a live radio show on Radio Five Live as a guest and in this more relaxed studio environment he came across as a humorous and engaging character, liberated by the more friendly surroundings where headline chasing was not the object of the journalists present.

There is also a conspiracy for Murray to be disliked. Unlike his peers Murray did not come through the British LTA system and instead opted to train at the Schiller International School in Barcelona when he was fifteen. The fact that Murray is the best British tennis player by a country mile,and puts to shame any other  player brought through the English system exposes starkly the incompetence of the LTA to produce world class tennis players. This I think has irked some people at the top of the sport in this country because his success has made them look rather silly.

Murray has also had to overcome a lot of problems in his life. His parents split when he was nine, around the same time that he survived the worst school massacre ever witnessed in this country at his school in Dunblane. He also has a knee condition which he has had to overcome in order to play tennis at the top level. It is his single-mindedness and professionalism and a heck of a lot of talent that has enabled him to get to where he is in the game and so what if he doesn't kow-tow to the celebrity-obsessed media who want him to quip a funny joke for the papers or appear in panto at the London Palladium. He is different and disliked in this country because he is an absolute professional who has no other focus in life but to do what he is good at, win tennis matches.

Chasing The Torch

The flame makes its way through York City Centre

Over the past two weeks I have enjoyed two bites at seeing the Olympic Torch as it entered and re-entered God's own county. Firstly on 18th June it passed through York City Centre, where Sam and I waited for nearly two hours to see it. After attempting to hi-fi several policemen on motorbikes the cavalcade finally arrived, sadly tinged with the smell of blatant advertising through two floats of a well known soft drink and bank pumping out er.. One Direction Songs. The torchbearer was a young 16 year old lad who seemed jolly pleased to be one of the 8000 torchbearers up and down the country. What a turnout in the city centre for what for many was a once in a lifetime experience. The anticipation of seeing the torch really brought it home that the greatest show on earth was coming to my country and it might never come again during my lifetime. Blink and you would have missed it, but I am glad that I waited them two hours in the sunshine to witness a piece of history.

The torch passing Harlech Avenue in Beeston

The second occasion I encountered the torch was one week later on Monday 25th June as it came to Beeston, Leeds. I woke up at 8am, at my girlfriend's house, to the sound of the aforementioned sponsored floats and the sound of One Direction again.. I knew the torch was on it's way! I threw on some clothes and ran down the street to witness the torch coming up Tempest Road in Beeston to the Hamara Centre, where it would be exchanged and carry on its merry way to Wakefield, t'Barnsley and finally Sheffield. The streets once again were filled with people wishing to see this event including many children on their way to school, something they will no doubt remember for the rest of their lives.

The torch on Tempest Road, Beeston

I am Disgusted!

The great thing about writing a blog is that if something really crap happens you can get straight onto your computer and get it off your chest.

I'd just arrived outside my flat, from the post office to find a little boy weeing in broad daylight in front of the gates to my flat. I shouted at him, asking what the hell he was doing and why he was urinating in front of my flat. Suddenly I was confronted by his angry mother, who looked like she'd just walked off the set of Jeremy Kyle, finger waggling aggressively at me. What an attitude she had!

"He's only 8 years old"  she barked at me baring her only two teeth.

I'm sorry but by 8 years old I knew that if I needed a wee I should either find a suitable place to go, like a public toilet, pub, petrol station, or public library, or hold it in until I got home. If I was out in the countryside it was permissible to find a bush, out of sight from anybody to do what you had to do. Never would I have dreamt of going to the toilet outside somebody's house though. Unbelievable! What is this world coming to?

Apparently because I am an adult I should not shout at a child. I take it this mum belongs to the wiffly waffly liberal bullshit brigade who believes that teachers should not shout at children or touch them and let them get away with murder instead. Somebody seriously needs to get this bullshit "my child can do no wrong" attitude out of society, because this is the kind of thing will constantly occur.

It's funny because while she was shouting and waggling her finger at me it seemed that the whole thing was my fault? How is that my fault that she is stupid and disgusting enough to let her child do that in front of somebody's flat in the street and in broad daylight!

As a child if I'd done the same and somebody complained to my parents I would have been shouted at...by my parents and forced to apologise to the aggrieved. How times have changed..

So what has the eight year old boy learnt from this incident?

1. He can wee anywhere he likes at any time and if somebody confronts him about it it's their fault

2. If he does anything wrong it is not his fault because he is "only a child."

3. He can get away with doing anything he likes because he knows that his mum will always back him up and it will never be his fault.

4. His mum urgently needs to see a dentist

I do not blame the little boy in question, he knows no different. The mother on the other hand is seriously not fit to have and bring up children. It makes me feel sorry for those decent couples who cannot have a child of their own, and yet tramps like her can. She holds a terrible "it's not his fault" ADHD diagnosing, there has to be two winners in musical statues , my child can do know wrong, liberal bullshit which has crept into parenthood like a cancer. It has to stop because it is going to breed a next generation of people who think they can do what they want, when they want no matter what the consequences for anyone else.

Celebrating the Diamond Jubilee

 First of all, a big hello to my new readers in the USA and Russia, plus another from Germany. I hope you are enjoying what you are reading. I have been on holiday with my girlfriend for a week and so have had to put my full attentions elsewhere...

While we were away at my father's caravan in County Durham, it was the jubilee weekend and so a lot of our time was spent watching the coverage on television and also taking part in some celebrations of our own.

Excluding the Derby, of which I have no real interest in horse-racing, the celebrations kicked off with the boat flotilla down the River Thames. Inevitably it rained and such is life, Scotland enjoyed the best weather of the entire weekend. I felt so sorry for those singers who were doing their level best to sing "Land of Hope and Glory" as the royal barge passed and the rain pelted down on them. It was most certainly putting the old (and currently fashionable saying) of "keep calm and carry on into practice!"

Disappointingly the BBC coverage was average at best, full of camera glitches, which I presume were caused by the weather, and stupid features like Tess Daly receiving a fake knighthood, almost spoiling what was a splendid national occasion.

Barnard Castle Cricket Club Jubilee Celebrations

Amongst the flotilla were boats representing every nation from the Commonwealth. This was of special interest to my girlfriend, Samantha, whose family originates from Trinidad & Tobago. It would have been nice if the commentary had shown these more and mentioned the countries who were passing by. No..instead it's off to Annika Rice on Tower Bridge... Grrr... I've nothing against Annika Rice, but she seemed to be more on camera than the Queen. Speaking of which, who was playing "Where's Will.iam? Anyone would have thought that it was he who celebrating 60 years on the throne. I'm surprised he and The Black Eyed Peas didn't commission their own yacht and sail down the Thames in front of the Queen!

This brings me nicely onto the concert on Monday evening. What was the point of Cheryl Cole? Lenny Henry also made Prince Charles laugh with a "black joke." At times I imagined the heir to the throne turning to Prince William and asking, "Who is that man? He's jolly good isn't he!"

As usual it was the legends, Sir Elton John, Stevie Wonder and Sir Paul McCartney who stole the show and it begs a question.. What will happen when these guys get too old to do all this? Who is going to replace them? Cheryl Cole? Will.iam? I doubt it! Which younger artists are going to achieve such legendary status to headline such a big gig as a jubilee and pull it off?

As for our own celebrations, on Tuesday we enjoyed a nice couple of hours at Barnard Castle Cricket Club, where there was food, a bouncy castle and children's running races. It was very nice with and the weather in the North East just about held up.

                                                                                                       

There is nothing the British do better than pomp and ceremony and the jubilee did not let anyone down. As a British citizen it made me feel proud of my country, which is so often maligned even by our own people. It is a big year for this country, with the Olympics coming to London later in the summer and the eyes of the world will continue to be on the UK.